18.08.13

Nice date for today , cause a lotss eight number thr :P
well , even i felt alone or lonely..
i will listen song..
relationship to me.. i dun knw hw to face it any more..
I'm very scared and afraid to get hurt anymore :)]

I think won't think that first..
Just be normal for relationship :D
how about friendship? lol..
I also easy get hurt from friendship..
but anyway i just be normal for everythings...

i needed find back before everytime i smile that me...
i will treasure everyone else :)
thankiewww god for blessed me alwys...

很久没写BLOG,发觉我好懒惰哦:P
还记得以前对Daven真的很疯狂，很怀念那时和他疯狂的日子
哈哈，算了　我们也彼此伤害过
而且，我还怀疑过他是否真的在外国　抱歉。。
这都只能藏在心里称为一段很美好的回忆:)
我的BLOG也写过很多人，不过来来去去都是Daven, Xiiao shenz
,jun kang, Panda..
有时候自己伤害过谁　到最后自己就会得到伤心:)
生活真的很RECYCLE的。。

以前的生活不管多好，都很幸福
daven给的感觉就很温馨一样也很浪漫
Xiiao shenz那个是自己暗恋不算呐
Jun kang是前几个星期分手　不过他总是做不到我想要得
Panda和我就像心事朋友一样:D

真多回忆。。可惜自己要把拍拖放一边了:)
我觉得我不适合拍拖，也许自己根本就不会,资格也没有吧:)
我没有把握，也许也害怕拍拖。
从这刻起，不管多寂寞都好我都要自己坚强。

朋友关系，我也搞不好。。
爱情关系，同样。。
完全不懂自己想怎样。。:)
是很多回忆，但都只能偶尔想...

Sometime felt myself so alone and lonely...
it feeling alwys stick with me... :)
I hope got one day ...
A guy will said to me :
Dont be sad anymore , dont be scare anymore
started from now i'm be with you , i knew you're alwys sad lonely ,alone..
but now u're not anymore.. Cause me will bring u to be happy alwys ..
Please giv me a chance and let me hold u to be happy.. would you ? ''

i very hoped one day someone said something like this and type long long to me
type a lots sweet words for me.. awwww that will be sweet ever :)
but only will happened in dream :)
tomorrow monday , open school day.. will be very scared tmr...
i hoped every thing will be fine...

Cause i'm feeling no one friend will accompanny me...
that feeling alwys to me ... hais..
i very stress.. i very dun knw what to do..
Well, i just knew I'm SINGLE now :)
Memories alwys the best to me :D

I will remember who treat me as good :D
Thanksss a lotsss.. :)

Write till here first..

13.08.13

Well.. this year have been happened a lots unhappy things on me..
Relationship..Friendship..
Talked people behind really not a good thing..
I talked my friend behind.. but she did  alots things making me unhappy..
and i no told her she did what thing make me unhappy..
I did not tell her everything that she did on me at all..
i just hope she will understand by self and one day...
But nobody understand...

Sometimes really hard to believe on everyone...
I just treasure when this second who treat me great then
i just treat back she/he as good as she/he treat me...
I really dont knw wanna how .. People only will like me ...
And how people only will stopped to betray me.. and talk my bad behind...
maybe this is life a way that make we grow up..

I really realise now.. no one will understand your feeling..
No one will believe you and help you when u getting problems..
when u getting problemss.. solve by self and think by self...
Cant cry when facing problems.. cause will let people said that you're
too fake...
Strated from now... i'm very scary for trusting everyone..
i hate my self.... i really dun knw wanna how...

Before though got a boyfriend very good..cause can share sad thing
, unhappy thing with he...
but is myself broke this relationship.... but nobody understand why i did
and why i have this decision...even my friend...
i lost myself...i lost my friend...
Being a manusia really hard.... no way who call me is a manusia now...

Before still very trusted a guy.. he call panda..
i very trusted he will help me keep every secrect .. that i told he before...
i said my friend bad to he... he told it back to my friend...
And me and my friend argue awhile.. i not sure is zit
he told my friend that before i said her bad...
but my friend come asked me today...
When i listened she asked me .. i very disappointed on panda...

Secrect is forever wont told us...
but thing already happened.. and alwys happenede dy.. false also me...
i really disappointed when everyone that i very very trusted...
maybe myself also got false... i also dun knw hw to become a people...
i just hope someone will understand me and care me...
it sit hard...
and i also no blame pandaaa.. if really he told my friend
i said my friend bad before...

Cause my friend also got said my bad,,,
well... i really dont understand everytime i very becareful keep
told self dont get wrong at every steps buat at last awlys my false
NO REASON , and FALSE ALWYS ME...
i felt very not fair... i just needed a simple life....
but everythings make me so difficult and keep make me on sad way...

Now... being lonely and alone alwys...
I stay strong that nobody care...i cry just because i stay strong till cant do it...
but also gave ppl said i'm just keep act cry for ppl care...
Primary school i very liked to cry.. even a little things hurt i also cry...
so ppl also through i'm act ppl to care me...
Actually i'm not.... but said out who knw who will listen i said..
who will trust... only self understand onle self knew...

so when primary i really dont have childhood...
sometimes ppl said back their primary things... i also felt like not really
wanna said out my story... i scared they said i'm act agn....
Dun knw why i no act... ppl just keep saying i'm act...
maybe my life way is not so easy to be live one this world....
Sometimes really hope i die on accident.. then i can
become a new me... and everythings started agn....

Strated from now... i really dun knw what to do...
Just being alone.. lonely way..
and nobody care what i do....
nothing muchhh to said anymore...... till here..

08.08.13

IT's sweetie THURSDAY for me :)
Wake up early at 5 o'clock ..very felt tired..
After that waiting other parents family
until 7 o'clock something only going FRASER HILL :D

This is the place that we reached :)

On the way going FRASER HILL ,

i just wanna said i'm very excited for kampung places :P

Cause when i was born everythings around is city life..

I never touch and see before how kampung life.. :D 

So i'm feeling excited :P

Venue for today is ------ :D 

FRASER HILL + BENTONG + BUKIT TINGGI + SUNGAI CHILING

+ JUNGLE TREKKING :D  

Very happy for today :D 

I eat ban mee soup + a glass of hoi nam kopi near Bukit tinggi 

Yummy breakfast :D 

After finished we going FRASER HILL , very hot weather 

and sunshine straight to my surface skin..

But i keep finding trees to stopped the sunshine straight

to my surface skin XD *childish rights?*

At FRASER HILL me and cousin keep finding toilet..

Cause me and her wanna go toilet for so long dy.. /.\

Family they all say so far needed wait until when go another

places only go toilet .. 

Then me and cousin boring , we keep take pictures :D 

we take pictures , show you guyss :D 

We reached :D BUKIT TINGGI :D 

The sunshine so bright XD 

We just non-stop taking pictures :D 

*On the road*

She really mine best sister ever and mine listener too :D 

I'm very glad to have this cousin sister to be with me even everytimes i'm feeling

lonely , sad , angry and dun knw what to do.. :) 

My lovely papa and mama :P They are kind and nice :D 

They care me like care a small baby..everythings so worry about me

just because the reason i'm the one daughter in this family.. But thankiewww a lotss :D

Take a lotsss picturess, me and cousin sister keep worry

ph battery started low.. i'm the most scared..

cause cant take pictures anymore...

there weather not bad gt cold gt hot warm warm :D 

Still got a lots junggle treking pictures.. will upload next times :D 

Today still go play waterfall :D But pictures next times upload :D 

When walking into the junggle i'm feeling excited until i fall down..

I keep holding cousin sister hand XD 

She said you very liked hold ppl hand when walking..

I said felt warm mahhh XD then we keep walk keep take pictures :D 

Gt some pictures is when walking junggle

but actually we wanna find the sungai chiling for fishing place..

Too sad when reached their big door.. it write public holidys closed..

open it on 09.08.13.. so sad... no fishing and no fish watch..

After that parents family they said we clumb inside niahhh...

My another married sister said later polis come caught us XD

Her husbund replied she wont niahhh we said we dun knw words XD

Dun knw what it write XD hahahahha :P Funnny :D 

Well we felt disappointed walked back to another place :D 

Take some pictures with family when they discuss :D 

When junggle treking, 3 of us family :D The girl so nicer ppl :D 

Sure wont leave my mummy alone :D Still gt daddy one at waterfall :D 

But will upload it soon :D 

Another 3 of us :D Ignore my over excited face ><

But very fun when in junggle :D 

3 of uss :D Family relationship :D 

When me and her serious face and get shocked face

watched they clumb the big door XD *this taken by her daddy*

 This is when go inside junggle treking place :D

When finished walked married cousin's husbund help me take it :D

*Thankiewwwwww a lotss*

Love this pictures so muchhh , the sunshine so nicee :D 

But sad case... skin getting black...

awwww.... very fun when junggle treking :D 

Walk walk , talk talk , and then take pictures a lotss :D 

Still got a lotss picturesss will upload soon... :D 

To be continuedd.... So tired now... Write untill here..

Will be continued tommorow and will take some 

troubles thingsss tooo :D 

WELLL, HAPPY HAPPY BIG BIG HOLIDAYS FOR ME I WISH ! :P 

26.07.13

Another things happened at 2013 agn..
I'm sowieee that i knew myself is so selfish at all
When started i just wanna care you as my sum si brother
At my family i alwys feeling alone..
Cause i was like nobody chat with me when evrey night..
Feeling alone.. only 2 brothers.. but i need chat what with them.

My sum si cant told them..Not match them..
So pandaa you're just like my another brother..
I remember..
we started chat at facebook June 22
34days spent with you..
I asked you first what happened to your elboww
So we knew each other from your elboww :P

I very happy be with u..
We no argueee we just keep discuss everything
When we did everything we will discuss togeter..
What i needed u will try to give it to me..
I still feeling not very well..
You suddenly no talk to me no choii me..
I remeber u said u wont leave me alone..

I'm more sowieee for my bf and you..
I broke pandaa's heart..
I help u and heal you from emo and sad...
But i make you sad another times...
Sowieeee.. very sowieee...
Yesterday we discuss imagine will happen things
And we still cried last nightsss..

I really mm sek dak everythings with you..
But its idea good for us good for each other...
You're because them to give up your love...
I will still keep you in my heart ever.
I wont forget everything that we talked before..

I'm so glad that God gave me a pandaaa in my life..
Nw i face my bf i'm felt so sowieee to he..
Caus ei already did bad..
And i'm sowieeee that i not going to told he this all..
If i tell everythings will broke and spoil..
He will very hate me i knew...
but if i not tell he, after when he knew he also angry..

So i also not going to tell he.. cause all is secrect..
This is all my false..
Actually everytimes about relationship thingss
Like break or leave me away something..
Alwys happened on 25th or 26th ...
I very scared to open my true heart anymore... :(

I felt i wanna give up everythings...
I dont wanna continue pak tuooo..
I'm so san fuuu... evrytimesss pak tuo something happened
on the same date.. just not different month..
I'm tired enough...
I just wanna focuss mine result and exam ...

my bf he treat me very good i knew...
but he cant give me that feeling that i wanted..
i'm very sowieee...
if i break .. i knew we also cant to be together..
CAuse they will say i break up with mybf cause pandaa..

So i only wanna give up everythings...
If nw end of books... just be normal friend with pandaa
i can do it.. but i needed a long times to comfort myself...
I very blur nw.. i hoped dream forever dont wake up..
Say truth i still not wanna give up on pandaa..
But i should knew one thing is im still with my bf nw..

Single is alwys the best..
I wanna leave a way relationship nw..
I will break up this year.. big holiday..
I will i promised myself..Sowieee for everythings..
I'm selfishhh..i knew..
I asked myself i needed choose pandaaa or my bf..
I just thinking if pandaaa

I'm just like keep make hurt to him more...
If this year big holiday break and pandaa still
Not yet find his that ''another ppl that he wanna care''
I will keep put he inside my heart wait he..
for 2 year... :)

if this big holiday no break.. im still put he inside my heart..
See after 2 year how about it. :)
Nw i only should focusss to care my exam..
Actually nw i also dun knw i wanna care my bf more or not..
my heart still so many thing stunned there..

Rainning day for today...
When rainning thunder sound..
im very scared about it..It reminded me
pandaa with my memories....
A lotss things we chat about thunder beforeeee...
Today at school i still gap pandaa..
Sowieeee.. i really cant control...
Well.. memories alwys in my heart and my mind...
Sowieee...a lotss... sowieeee for everyone...
I felt myself so bad... just like a bad girl ...

If GOD ask me wanna me live or dead
i will choose dead for another new life
Everything start agn..

#iwillmissyouuuever #pandaaa

17.07.13

我回来了
很久没写部落格了
很多事情都在2013年发生

我想过2012比2013年好
以前小时候 很多朋友
渐渐地 从六年级开始朋友 一个一个开始减少

是不是越成长就越与朋友有距离？
我很怀念以前 是因为以前单纯
什么也不懂更没有烦恼
如果上帝给我一个愿望
我非常希望回到小时候 一切从头开始
曾经也想过经常头晕的我
会不会头晕到一个Limit就这样离开了？

坦白说小学我也有很多puppy love过
但是牵手, 亲吻甚至身体接触 我都没做过
所以 以前真的很单纯 我真的活得很开心
我也可以因为一件无聊的事情 开心一整天 :D

之从发生了前任第3任男朋友就一切变得不一样
我以前经常笑 现在的我却时不时都嘟着嘴不笑
样子像很烦 但却假装没事
也许第3任男朋友伤害我太深了呗
把我单纯的心给伤害了:)

我有时候真的想很多事情
现在虽然也有拍拖
但是我在想也是我追他的
我当初是不是太冲动去追他
现在我好像对他忽冷忽热
但是他需要的是永远 我不能保证永远
因为我不相信有永远的事情

想对他说声对不起
我知道你很爱我 也很疼我 但是我感受不到
你对我的安全感 那种感觉很像我一直主动
当初我们一直热恋 谈的红红烈烈 现在很冷淡
我知道你一直再找回以前的感觉

但是我不知道要怎样 也许我对每个男生
都是我的好朋友
出来工作了 一定会分了:)
Wont forever always :)
我需要的安慰你给不到 那么久了没有说
第一次拍拖就不会
只是看你肯不肯 要不要用心学
这一切都很基本的:)

去年的10月Daven和我分了 那一刻我很没有心情
我拼命做工赚钱
尝试把自己忙得不再想为甚么他和我分手
我还没和Daven一起时候
我暗恋着一个男生 他叫XiaoShenz
因为有人inbox我叫我不要动他男朋友
我就怕了 不过也暗恋XiaoShenz 4个月:)

Daven就是那个第3任男朋友
Daven和我在一起快要半年时候就分手了
大概在一起有4/5个月多:)
他对我说过我第一次听过最浪漫的话就是：
‘’ 不管如何 我都一直等你接受我
我知道你有喜欢的人 不过我会愿意等
记得肚子饿了要吃饱饱 不可以糟蹋自己的身体 ‘’

那时单纯的心肯定容易被打动
因为这样后我发觉他很照顾我
我们是在面子书认识的。
他和我说他住在外国Australia
但是手机号码却是016
而且那时我没怀疑那么多 因为我很相信他
什么也和他说 我们在一起那么久也没有吵架过:)

人不错帅 性格好 品德好 所以才吸引我
过后不久Sentosa的朋友就和我说 他也是和他拍拖着
我半夜那时当场哭个不停:_:
过后我就开始怀疑他
到底是真实的人还是假扮的人还是骗子？
过后去Cameron Highland的一大清早第二天
他就和我分手了 他信息给我 我哭得像傻婆一样:)

就这样我们分手了，今年他找回我
说真实我依然放不下他但是那时而已
现在我已经不在理会他了:)

今年上帝在这个5，6，7月送了一个熊猫给我^^
他很看顾我 很保护我 很紧张我
我喜欢将子的感觉 : )
每一天有他陪我 我的烦恼每一天都减少
我真的很需要任何事物 他都给的到^^

就是发生了那么多事情后才不敢再想
以后 永远的事情:D

Pandaaa ,Thankiewwwww for everythingss. :P
ILoveeeeYouuuuu______♥

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm back
Long time did not write blog
Many things have happened in 2013

I think 2012 better than 2013

before a lot of friends

Gradually, friend one by one from the sixth grade begins to less

Grow up Is growing and friends will more leave distance for us?

I miss the former is simply because the previous

Know nothing and no worries , before is more great than now

If God gave me a desire to

I very much hope to return a child to start from scratch

Once I also thought often dizziness

Will dizziness to a Limit then leave?

Frankly I also have a lot of primary school puppy love too

But holding hands, kissing or even physical contact I have not done

So before I really really live happily 

I can also happy because of a silly thing during in day: D

MAybe before happened things from the third bf :) 

Everythings changed :)

Before i alwys smile but nw im just keep sad face , emo face :)

face like nothing , but actually a lots troubles

Perhaps for the first three boyfriend hurt me too deep

hurt my first pure heart :) 

Sometimes I really think a lot of things

Although there are now pak tuo :)

but also is me to chase him first.. 

I think i chase him too impulsive..

Now I seem to him fits and starts

But he needs is forever I can not promise forever

Because I do not believe there is always something

I wanted to say sorry

I know he love me care me but I cant feel it.

When we have been talking about love red blaze of glory is now very cold

I know you have been feeling and then get back before

But I do not know the boys thinking maybe 

Out of work will be break , wont forever alwys :)

I needed is comfort ,

There's is no one say the first time of pak tuo every things dun knw 

just see did u wanna learn from your true heart a not :) 

This is all very basic...

Daven last October and I divided the moment I'm not in the mood

I work hard to make money

Try to put yourself busy and I no longer wonder why he broke up

I have not the time together and Daven

I have a crush on a boy he called XiaoShenz

Inbox me because someone told me not to move his boyfriend

I am afraid of, but also crush XiaoShenz 4 months :)

Daven is my first three boyfirends

Daven with me when he broke up about six months

Together with about 4/5 months more :)

He told me the first time I heard the most romantic word is:

'' No matter how I have been waiting for you to accept me

I know you have a favorite person, but I would be willing to wait

Remember when hungry and want to eat bread'' need to care your body

Then pure heart is certainly easy to be impressed

Because later I found out that he was taking care of me

We are in the Facebook knew each other :)

He said he lived in a foreign country Australia

But the phone number is 016

And then I did not doubt that much because I'm trusted he

and we were together for so long did not quarrel too :)

Nice guy handsome good moral character is good so it attracted me

Shortly after Sentosa friends and said she is also pak tuo with this guy (Daven) 

That moment I'm crying at night : _:

After I began to suspect that he

In the end is a real person, or a person or a crook posing?

After one early in the morning to go Cameron Highland Day

He broke up with me he gave me the information I cried like a silly woman:)

So we broke up, but this year he find me back 

When he find back me , i felt im still not giving up on he 

but Now I no longer bother him :)

5,6,7 month this year, God sent a panda to me ^^

He looked after me still gan jiong with me sometimes :D 

I love it feeling so much :P 

There he was with me every day of my trouble every day to reduce

I really need any of the things he gave ^^

So many things that happened before

So become i not dare to think about forever..

TheEnd...

#Pandaaa, Thankiewwwww for everythingss.: P

#ILoveeeeYouuuuu______ ♥

06.05.13 - BLACK DAY :)

新黑到完的一天，

国家和之前的生活还是一样，没有任何变化

其实 这次不反 老人家5年后已没有能力反抗了。

难得今年投票80%支持 最总却失败收场。

真为马来西亚悲哀，完全无言了。

老人家们都是失望渴望有个变动的社会，安宁的社会

可是结局不是每个人能改变

结局也出来了:)

Aikssss,国家5年应该变成个穷国家了

也许也没人有能力反抗了

Gib Gor , you did your best better !

Everybody 也尽力了。

这场战争 Mou Ngan Tai :D !

21.04.13 

Stay nights for yesterday's yesterday..

First time stay nights in Christian Funeral..

Popo you're really the best..

We will miss you and love you..

When you sleep in the car that moment..

Everybody tears was drop down..

All be touching...

We keep say joke and funny thing..

But actually all people was wanna crying..

We just keep making self to be happy and believe Popo is leaving us..

But.. it's true.. Popo is leaving us..We can't don't believe..

Our big family plan this year november something wanna going HongKong with Popo..

But scared her legs walk more and Popo old already will walk slow scared her..

But.. We all knew she know what we think about her..

So she goes first..

She really good and best Popo..Don't wanna us to worry she so much..

But all not good things she care it all by self...

In this time Popo pass away..My daddy say to me we must learn more how to Care

and learn more how to Forgive..I felt so honored Popo let my daddy learn more..

Yesterday Daddy say to me.. Remeber what you say Popo before?

I say yea.. i say Popo talk so much story..

Sorry Popo.. Now no more chance to listen your story any more..

In this time i learn how to Care.. Respect..and Forgive..

And i will stop thinking self alone..No friends..

Everything , Problems also got a way to solve it.. Just see how your self to solve..

Gambateh to self .. 

Hmmp.. Sometimes will feel no friends to chat with me and care me..

But i need to stop this thinking any more..

I know i less talking.. So no people was know what happen to me..

I will say out that mean's i love to share with you..

No one understand me... cause i hard to let people undestand :P

It's okay... just start from now learn more :D

It all won't be late :)

Today just keep sleeping..Say true really tired.. Yesterday 's not sleep enough..

Later night something going Grandmother's house eat her homemade rojak :)

And chat with her with my family :)

Hmmp.. now just doing face to the facebook and chatting felt boring life :D

Well , sometimes will think no people care me also..

But not evrybody was free to care , need to live by self :)